Man, it has been a while since I posted something. I might have been worried you would get bored and leave but I knew you were in good hands with Make Me Emperor.
You may be wondering “where has Mayhem been?” and I am here to put your mind at ease, I have not abandoned you in a alleyway like your real parents did, but I have been extremely busy in the world that isn’t a series of tubes. What is more interesting than porn the internet you ask? Not a whole lot, I missed seeing people get hit in the crotch in new and interesting ways, but what is interesting is not always what’s necessary. What was necessary was me finding a place to live that isn’t my parent’s house. Now, let me just say this; I have not, nor will I ever, live in my parent’s basement. Got it? Good. I am not that creepy blogger that stays in his underwear 24/7 looking for new Britney Spears up skirt shots. I am the blogger that wears pants and spends 23 hours a day looking for Britney’s new up skirt shots and the other hour showering my shame away. Who knew underwear shopping wasn’t on the “to do” lists of most celebs?
Anyway, after MUCH searching, anger and crying we found a house we are proud to live in and call home. The house is a beautiful four bedroom detached with a huge double car garage. It is located close to all major highways, malls and shopping centers. I should feel kind of bad because we are practically robbing the owner blind with the amount of rent we are paying. I should feel even worse because the house is BRAND NEW and is owned by the sweetest old lady you will ever meet. Now I have been saying “should” because I really don’t feel bad. The only one that should feel bad is her son; she bought the house FOR HIM and he doesn’t want to live in it! The poor old lady had to go to through all the trouble of finding people to rent it. Thank you weird son! And you should be ashamed of yourself for putting such stress on you dear mother. But thanks again!
So there you go, you know why I was gone and neglecting you just like your parents. Can we move on now and hear about why you have been so distant and moody lately? Are you reading another blog? Please say no. I can’t stand to hear it. Do you laugh at their entries the way you used to laugh at mine? Do you? You disgust me! But I need you. God, I wish I knew how to quit you!
Sunday, February 7
...is coming to an end.
Stowe really is a ski town and I think because the whole city's economy depends on tourists they really planned the city around that. There are plenty of restaurants, free transit to the mountain resort and everyone is super friendly.
The ski resorts aren't half bad either - Jay Peak is still probably King of the East though. Driving an hour away from Stowe seems to make a huge difference in the ski conditions, but the bitter cold didn't change much though no matter where you went.
The only downer is that there isn't much of a night life in the so called town. Once the shuttle stops you gotta drive or hoof it to the restaurants, but that's a bit of a mission when its -10ºC at night. It could have been that we were there mid-week, but even the locals say the best chance for a party is in Burlington (I think the largest city in VT) but that's a good few miles kilometers away.
As a ski town, the resorts/villages are way less commercial/busy than say Whistler or Tremblant around the same time of the year (both Intrawest resorts (for the time being)), but we still managed to find some decent watering holes with some friendly people...
You can't see it but the person on the right had a kid in a booster seat on a bar stool next to them. Stay classy VT. Marcin almost got into a fight with New Yorker that night as well.
There are plenty of local grub and drink, and remember: if a super friendly fat store owner with a big beard takes the time to talk to you and recommends something, its probably good.
The 12% beer caused a bit of a train wreck because it tasted so good, but at least we heard the legend of it in person from that jolly guy I mentioned...and it was brewed just down the street.
One other thing about being a Canadian visiting the States is that people from the States seem like they are sure are proud of being in the States. You gotta remember that this area is pretty touristy and there are people from all over coming to ski. So when some kid at the Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop comments,"Wow you can buy a sundae with 3 liters of ice cream in it", but then some adult shouts, "Liters?! What?! This is America!" at him you would think that he could have been a little friendlier about it.
All in all though VT treated us pretty well and I wouldn't mind coming back for Jay Peak since its just as far as Tremblant. The drive is pretty brutal but at least it was pretty easy (for me) and I wouldn't mind doing it again.
Now that the "skiing" portion of the vacation is pretty much over the sports portion continues with the UFC and Super
Friday, February 5
At this point in the trip, it's like my body is saying no but my mind is also just saying no. We're pretty tired because we've been giving it pretty hard these past few days but it's been worth it. We got a real late start this morning, and by late I mean we got up around 8.
Smuggler's
The first thing you'll notice about the place is that they rock the 2 person chairlifts...and they're super slow. Apparently its supposed to be America's number one family resort, and to tell you the truth there were a lot of families around, but like most of Stowe not many young-ans (at least thats what we think we are).
This resort seemed much smaller than Stowe and I think Jay Peak, but one of the mountains seemed like it was strictly for beginners. We hit them all for the full experience but found ourselves having to do cross country a lot more than anticipated (on that side). The views were nice and the fact that we had afternoon sun on this side of the mountain was nice as well.
We didn't manage to find the triple black diamond (I think one of the only ones in America) but in general we did take it pretty easy today. But that didn't mean that we didn't take some serious dives though.
On to the next one.
Thursday, February 4
Today we got up at 6:30 in the AM because we knew Jay Peak was getting some snow overnight. Last time they predicted 2" of snow they got 8". This time they were predicting another 6" but got 10". Fresh powder once again!
According to the radio Jay Peak has received over 30" of new snow in the last 10 days. I would not doubt it. Kevin and Marcin had to rent big skis today for the intense snow, but really is that such a bad thing? Time to hit the glades!
For the whateverth day in a row it was bitterly cold. I guess that's one thing about skiing the East, but being a weekday at least it was still pretty empty. They had to close down a lift on one side of the mountain because it was so cold. I think we all have some sort of minor frost bite to prove it.
The worst/best part about powder is falling in it. Its easy to lose your ski in powder and if no one say you take the fall they you'd probably be looking for it for a good 45 mins. Here's Kevin falling through mid air no skis attached. It's actually him in mid-air.
Also, because of the powder you don't see a lot of roots and your skis getting caught in some and you flying in the air head first. If you happen to be on a steep hill, let me tell you, the feeling of being stuck head first in the snow with your feet in the air is an interesting one. Kevin was literally picking branches from my helmet after I feel head first into some spruce.
The only crappy park was that I mangled my back on some rails, but hopefully some beer and Tylenol will fix that.
Jay Peak is the best resort in Vermont. Having said that we haven't skied Smuggler's Notch yet, but we will be doing that tomorrow. So far Jay has had the best snow, best terrain and least people. Stowe definitely has the size but the terrain is nothing compared to Jay. Even the locals in Stowe ski Jay Peak, FYI.
Wednesday, February 3
Last night we hung out at this Mexican place where they had 35 different types of tequila. Since we were vacation it up vacation styles, we decided to taste some of the world class tequilas. So not knowing a thing about it Jon asked the bar lady to give us the rundown and she definitely did. To make a long story short she gave us a 3 tequila sampler and even a free one plus a 10 minute long tutorial on tequila (which I spy cammed btw, lol...youtube video to follow).
She gave us the royal treatment but by the look on everyone's face I had a hard time telling whether they were savoring the flavor or shivering. Everything was going better than expected until this random New Yorker and his son entered the bar and totally shit disturbed everything and annoyed the shit out of all of us. At that point we had to exit, ASAP.
Anyway, today we took a break and crossed the state boarders to New Hampshire. The state motto is: Live free or die (hard). There seems to be a lot of ski areas in that state as well but they also seem way smaller than in Vermont though...lots of empty hotels this time of year though. Getting there took us through the mountains and it was a pretty scenic drive.
Who knew that Under Armour had and outlet - everyone loves performance sports wear. We managed to drop some coin today in the Hampshire and it was pretty great that they don't have sales tax.
Jay Peak again tomorrow since they're expecting some new snow. We'll be putting the Go Pro cam through its paces once again but this time looking super steezy in all our new gear..
Tuesday, February 2
So today we went back to Stowe since they had $39 lift tickets to celebrate Woodchuck Day in Vermont. I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and assume that its like Groundhog day or something else irrelevant like that.
Anyway, we ended up getting out early again and despite being some sort of special day it wasn't really busy at all - thank you Tuesday. Unfortunately, it was still bitterly cold for the third day in a row.
So right off the bat we decided to hit up some glades because of the nice impression Jay Peak left on us. I'd just like to say that Stowe glades are a lot less forgiving than Jay glades. Nothing like crashing into a tree to wake you up at 10 in the morning. At this point Kevin had taken a rough fall, Jon ran into the trees I had to bail because he was blocking the path and Marcin slashed me in the back while bailing as well. No big deal.
You know when you read about legendary runs in magazines or they say stuff like experts only. Well at one point we got separated and Jon and I ended up running into a series of double blacks. Some lady at the top had fallen and no one wanted to help her because the hill looked so intimidating. Jon and I moved on as well...unfortunately to another double black diamond hill. Moguls all day, not fun. Finishing that off left us feeling "moist" if you catch my drift. Hot sweat and cold weather don't mix.
I also managed to shame myself at the park today as I bailed out at the last second while trying to hit a medium down rail. Spectators were not impressed.
Anyway, we ended up finishing the day on the new expansion at Stowe and did some nice high speed runs on some wide open blues. Our knees are pretty much destroyed at this point.
Time for some food and some rest, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Monday, February 1
We were feeling the effects of hitting it pretty hard yesterday, but the hot tub, swim, sauna and beer seemed to soothe the pain nicely. So with buzz of fresh snow floating around last night we decided to head to Jay Peak today for this supposed 2" downfall. Turns out that it was more like 7"-9" and on top of that is also Monday! Vacation FTW.
Jay Peak is about an hour away and its a pretty treacherous drive (damn you Tom Tom). Some roads were closed so Marcin asked some locals for some directions. They seemed to give him a pretty hard time at first because he generally doesn't know what he's talking about but like most situations he somehow managed to work him Polak charm and get some tips.
Arriving at Jay, the sky was clear blue, but it was once again bone chillingly cold. It's what they like to call blue bird pow. Being a work day there was pretty much no one there, even another bonus.
Let me tell you something: Ontario boyz don't get to ski deep snow at all. Powder has legendary status for us South Central ski rats, but unless we go out West or apparently over to the East, we generally don't get to ski it. With that said, we decided to ski the deepest stuff we could find on our first run out. Unfortunately, that just happened to be the legendary glades @ Jay. That basically set the tone of the day, which consisted of us falling head over heels down powder filled trees. No joke, but no injuries either (thank you soft snow). Tons of fun.
Jay lived up to its legendary status and we gave the go pro a pretty good workout today.
It started to come down again later the afternoon but because of the cloud cover the temperature dropped. Back to the freezing cold even more so. At that point the mountain claimed one of my ski poles and so we decided to head out.
Consider Jay/us slayed.
Sunday, January 31
So we carbed up last night on some delicious wood oven pizza and local beer and tried to crash early to get an early 730 start.
After the worst sleep ever (wood fire going out, electric heater not being powerful enough, thermostat incorrectly set (damn you farenheit) and I think I somehow got rashes on my back) we headed out early for our first day of ski action. Had some ghetto breakfast then hopped on the shuttle to Stowe mountain.
To be honest, we didn't get a good look at the place last night because when we got in it was completely dark. When we woke up in the morning we were hoping so see every foot of snow that fell two days earlier, and that everyone was talking about, but we were only greeted with the bitter cold and a pretty rural town. But anyway, we're from Ontario, we're used to this.
But to say it is was just cold would be an understatement. It was about -20 degrees celsius today but intense winds. At least the mountain wasn't busy, and if its not busy today it'll pretty much be abandoned mid week (at least that's what we're hoping). This was also the perfect opportunity to get lost in the woods and become totally exhausted trekking it back to civilization.
But all in all Stowe wasn't half bad. It did, however, have the weirdest layout ever and I think we only actually hit 2/3 mountains. Despite the outrageous price we paid for BBQ lunch, we'll be back to conquer the rest.
Some more fun and games tonight and Jay Peak tomorrow.
Saturday, January 30
Well we made it in record time and without any hassles. It's a bit cold but as Kevin checked in the concierge told him that since we're skiing mid week we would own the mountain. Awesome.
After checking in we had a look at the room, stocked it with firewood then went to get some groceries. To tell you that Stowe is a small town would be an understatement. There's not much here but what I would like to call glorified motels and some bars and eateries (which are all closed by 7 on a Saturday...)
So we got some "groceries" unpacked and decided to draw some numbers for the beds (no one is sharing a bed btw). So in order to do so I grabbed some paper from a pad on the wall and we were greeted by a nice surprise.
Anyway, we're kicking back a few local brews and going to check the local scene.
Short but sweet today, we're gonna get down to some serious action starting tomorrow. Keep posted.
Friday, January 29
Well, its that time of the year for the annual ski trip, and while it won't be Whistler or Banff again because everyone is poor from the so called recession because of the Olympics, we've decided to do it up USA stylez. As per usual its going to be another man trip, but this year the gang's gonna be a lot smaller than we're used to because we don't know any hot chicks with mad skillz well enough to bring with, and a lot of people made like hay and bailed.
On a different note, people seem to think I take a lot more vacation than I actually do. I think its because if I'm going to go on vacation I gotta be doing something that will be legendary and people seem to think it always takes a lot of time for something to reach legendary status. Well it doesn't (if you know how to play your cards right). But it's probably because I never really take more than a week at a time and it seems to stretch out. But anyway, I'm superior to just an average joe who knows how to enjoy himself and do fun things when he gets the chance. Drink milk love life.
The plan? Stowe, Jay Peak and Smuggler's Notch - let's see how these old knees hold up.
Vacation FTW!
Thursday, January 28
It's no surprise that the UFC is blowing up, it's my favorite sport and to be honest the only sport I really follow. MMA is pretty much universal if you think about it. You don't have to worry about the ridiculous rules of curling or put on an all day affair like Super G or an NFL playoff game (although totally awesome) to settle a bet. But have you ever wondered what's the price those athletes pay for the limelight?
Take for example one of the bigger past events, where it took place in a state that releases the disclosed salaries for an event.
Lyoto Machida: $200,000 (no win bonus)
def. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua: $155,000
Cain Velasquez: $70,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus)
def. Ben Rothwell: $50,000
Gleison Tibau: $38,000 ($19,000 win bonus)
def. Josh Neer: $14,000
Joe Stevenson: $94,000 ($47,000 win bonus)
def. Spencer Fisher: $26,000
Anthony Johnson: $30,0000 ($15,000 win bonus)
def. Yoshiyuki Yoshida: $12,000
Ryan Bader: $30,000 ($15,000 win bonus)
def. Eric Schafer: $13,000
Pat Barry: $14,000 ($7,000 win bonus)
def. Antoni Hardonk: $16,000
Chael Sonnen: $54,000 ($27,000 win bonus)
def. Yushin Okami: $18,000
Jorge Rivera: $36,000 ($18,000 win bonus)
def. Rob Kimmons: $9,000
Kyle Kingsbury: $16,000 ($8,000 win bonus)
def. Razak Al-Hassan: $3,000
Stefan Struve: $14,000 ($7,000 win bonus)
def. Chase Gormley: $10,000
Straight up, seems like a lot right? But while it starts high, that douche Chase Gormley didn't get paid much did he?
Take into consideration that these guys need to dedicate their lives to training a solid 1-3 months in advance for one of these events (on top of their regular training) and they on make out with say $10k for getting their brains bashed in for a couple of minutes. Worth the $60 you pay to watch it in HD?
| Size Total Roster | % of Roster paid over $1million per/year | % of Roster paid under $1million per/year |
| UFC 219 | 8.2% | 91.8% |
| NBA 452 | 83.6% | 16.4% |
| NHL 700 | 57.6% | 42.4% |
Put that in your pipe and smoke it slowly and sensually. While the top UFC athletes get paid very well, the others seem to get compensated alright for their troubles as a professional athlete. Maybe something to think about before thinking you take on Big Nog after your next so called BJJ class.
Wednesday, January 27
Kids,
When you reach your late twenties you might be surprised to discover you still don't have life quite figured out.
While there doesn't seem to be any shortage of completely awkward situations in life, there is one particular situation that seems to happen a lot more often than others. It's by getting through these awesome ordeals do you begin to realize that awkwardness is a two way street.
The situation in question is the: being out, seeing someone you know, recognizing each other, making eye contact with them, neither of you saying anything, then walking not two feet past each other and then wondering why neither of you said anything.
For example, it happened to me at least twice during the past weekend alone (while completely tearing up the slopes at Blue, btw). While I won't go into great detail, one was a guy and one was a girl - with the guy it was like a 25 yard walk and we passed not 2 feet away from each other. And with the girl, it was walking through the chalet, I'm pretty sure we were looking at each other for a solid 2 seconds straight. How come nobody said anything?
While I'll admit that I'm completely horrible with names/faces and completely oblivious to obvious situations all most of the time, is it possible that I think I'm better friends/acquaintances with people than I actually am? Or are we both just arrogant jerks? Or are we just too intimidated or too impressed to actually see each other in real life situations? Or are we both just complete chicken shits?
While I will won't lose sleep over things like this, it's nice to know that there are still some mysteries to life or maybe I'm just deficient.
But seriously, if I were a super hero my super power would probably be the ability to turn any situation into an awkward one.
Win!
Tuesday, January 26
I'm usually pretty excited about totally useless tech and gadgets, so when Google Wave first came out I was all hyped up, got nominated and jumped on the bandwagon. 2 days later, after my nomination turned into an actual invite, I shat my pants logged in ready to fall off my dinosaur from how awesome it would be to wave with my so called friends, only to discover that I had no one to wave with. Great. On top of that I didn't have the ability to actually invite anyone. What's the point of this so called collaboration tool when you got no one to collaborate with.
I'll admit that I didn't really see the point of starting from scratch and replacing my email and messenger with all the promise of real time interactivity and whatnot, but like most things it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fast forward a few days when some more friends actually got the thing. Great, time to awesome all over this mother. But wait..its pretty slow..I think its down...Why does it keep telling me I have new waves when I don't. Let me try to start a new one...wait no that doesn't work either...epic fail.
But doesn't Gmail already do most of this? And better? And it actually works?
So fast forward until yesterday night, when I log into Wave again to see whats new. So I'm sitting there totally expecting there to be like 45 unread waves that I'm going to go all interactive over and draw some maps and play Sudoku with, but all I see is a bunch of abandoned test messages that end with something like "screw this", "totally useless" and a penis drawn on a map.
I guess the thing about being too far ahead of the curve is that you're usually the only one there. Will it be popular in the future? Who knows, it sure as hell ain't popular now. It definitely didn't live up to the hype.
Sorry Lars, its a flop.
Monday, January 25
| The Kickdrums - Things Work Out | Bombay Bicycle Club - Evening/Morning |
| Metric - Gimme Sympathy (Acoustic) | Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town |
Sunday, January 24
What does it take to be a man? Shaving your face daily? Knowing how to start a fire with a rock? How many women you have slept with? What car you drive? Having a penis? I don’t know what the answer is, or know if there is even one real answer. I consider myself a man, I have a penis and I shave once in a while, but any time I am in the presence of a real man I know that I have a long way to go. I have a list in my mind of manly men and after minutes months of deliberation I have a clear #1.
Now, you are thinking “Who is manlier than a guy named Mayhem?” Is it the guy who can pull a plane with his penis? Is it Mariusz Pudzianowski, the multiple Worlds Strongest Man championship winner? Is it our own blogger extraordinaire, Make Me Emperor? No, all of them are complete waste of testosterone. Sorry, Emperor. No, none of these men deserve to wipe the ass of my #1, Fedor Emelianenko.
I know all of you just did a collective, who? Maybe if you let me talk and shut up for a minute I will tell you! But hear me out. Fedor Emelianenko was the reigning and last Pride FC Heavyweight World Champion, the current WAMMA Heavy Weight Champion and current scourge of the Strikeforce Heavyweight division. Also, he is a multiple time Sambo champion and close friend of Valdimir Putin. Here is a picture.
Scary? Not really, right? But don’t let the slightly tubby appearance fool you, he is a one man wrecking machine that would send any tough guy you could imagine running for the hills. He is six feet tall and two hundred thirty three pounds of pure terror. He moves around the cage like a man half his weight, hits like a semi truck filled with TNT and has the submission skills to take whatever part of your body he chooses home with him.
Promoters have thrown contender after contender after him and he tears through them like a buzz saw through toast. His record of 31 wins, 1 loss and 1 no contest is a testament to his awesomeness. That one loss on his record? Not legit, the other guy cheated and not too long after Fedor repaid him in full for his cowardly ways. He has wins over the who’s who in MMA, here is a sampling: Kevin Randleman, Mark Coleman, Andrei Arlovski, Tim Sylvia, Matt Lindland, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria and Semmy Schlit.
Fedor trains and lives in Stary Oskol, Russia. That in itself is a manly feat, no one choses to live in Russia. He is so badass he trains at the Red Devil Sport Club, that name alone makes my penis want to leave me and go live with Fedor because just living in his pocket is manlier than being attached to my pathetic body. He runs five miles every morning, naked I would assume, in -30 Celsius weather. He trains in the mountains six days a week and eats a stew made of sinewy because it has magical power and when he gets bored of all of that he fights bears with his bare hands.
There he is, Fedor "Destroyer of Planets" Emelianenko. Just writing this has made me depressed because I will never be 1% of the man he is. Here are some videos of him doing what he does best and I apologize in advance, I also have trouble sleeping knowing that he roams the earth.