Hi there, welcome to my blog.

What's this all about? Well, that's a question I'm probably not even qualified to answer. I guess it started off because I had nothing better to do, but turns out that I kind of like it. So when I'm not working for The Man I like to take pictures, make videos and write about whatever else might seem like a good idea at the time.

From dragon boating to mountain biking, to road trips and travels overseas - this is me trying to enjoy life. Clock out at 5, eat, drink and don't forget to smile a lot.

The Time Machine


This is a personal blog, all opinions expressed are meant to be in good fun - if you are offended by heavy sarcasm and jokes that are in poor taste then this is not for you. If you have any copyright related issues please contact us via messenger pigeon.


Sunday, January 31

That talk of powder, its all propaganda. Damn you ski Nazis.

So we carbed up last night on some delicious wood oven pizza and local beer and tried to crash early to get an early 730 start.

After the worst sleep ever (wood fire going out, electric heater not being powerful enough, thermostat incorrectly set (damn you farenheit) and I think I somehow got rashes on my back) we headed out early for our first day of ski action. Had some ghetto breakfast then hopped on the shuttle to Stowe mountain.

To be honest, we didn't get a good look at the place last night because when we got in it was completely dark. When we woke up in the morning we were hoping so see every foot of snow that fell two days earlier, and that everyone was talking about, but we were only greeted with the bitter cold and a pretty rural town. But anyway, we're from Ontario, we're used to this.

But to say it is was just cold would be an understatement. It was about -20 degrees celsius today but intense winds. At least the mountain wasn't busy, and if its not busy today it'll pretty much be abandoned mid week (at least that's what we're hoping). This was also the perfect opportunity to get lost in the woods and become totally exhausted trekking it back to civilization.

But all in all Stowe wasn't half bad. It did, however, have the weirdest layout ever and I think we only actually hit 2/3 mountains. Despite the outrageous price we paid for BBQ lunch, we'll be back to conquer the rest.

Some more fun and games tonight and Jay Peak tomorrow.

Saturday, January 30

800 km and 8 hours later....Stowe

Well we made it in record time and without any hassles. It's a bit cold but as Kevin checked in the concierge told him that since we're skiing mid week we would own the mountain. Awesome.

After checking in we had a look at the room, stocked it with firewood then went to get some groceries. To tell you that Stowe is a small town would be an understatement. There's not much here but what I would like to call glorified motels and some bars and eateries (which are all closed by 7 on a Saturday...)

So we got some "groceries" unpacked and decided to draw some numbers for the beds (no one is sharing a bed btw). So in order to do so I grabbed some paper from a pad on the wall and we were greeted by a nice surprise.

Anyway, we're kicking back a few local brews and going to check the local scene.

Short but sweet today, we're gonna get down to some serious action starting tomorrow. Keep posted.

Friday, January 29

Road trip! Time to ski Vermont a.k.a. The Big Vermeezee.

Well, its that time of the year for the annual ski trip, and while it won't be Whistler or Banff again because everyone is poor from the so called recession because of the Olympics, we've decided to do it up USA stylez. As per usual its going to be another man trip, but this year the gang's gonna be a lot smaller than we're used to because we don't know any hot chicks with mad skillz well enough to bring with, and a lot of people made like hay and bailed.

On a different note, people seem to think I take a lot more vacation than I actually do. I think its because if I'm going to go on vacation I gotta be doing something that will be legendary and people seem to think it always takes a lot of time for something to reach legendary status. Well it doesn't (if you know how to play your cards right). But it's probably because I never really take more than a week at a time and it seems to stretch out. But anyway, I'm superior to just an average joe who knows how to enjoy himself and do fun things when he gets the chance. Drink milk love life.

The plan? Stowe, Jay Peak and Smuggler's Notch - let's see how these old knees hold up.

Vacation FTW!

Thursday, January 28

What's the payoff for being in the UFC? Apparently not that much...

It's no surprise that the UFC is blowing up, it's my favorite sport and to be honest the only sport I really follow. MMA is pretty much universal if you think about it. You don't have to worry about the ridiculous rules of curling or put on an all day affair like Super G or an NFL playoff game (although totally awesome) to settle a bet. But have you ever wondered what's the price those athletes pay for the limelight?

Take for example one of the bigger past events, where it took place in a state that releases the disclosed salaries for an event.

Lyoto Machida: $200,000 (no win bonus)
def. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua: $155,000

Cain Velasquez: $70,000 (includes $35,000 win bonus)
def. Ben Rothwell: $50,000

Gleison Tibau: $38,000 ($19,000 win bonus)
def. Josh Neer: $14,000

Joe Stevenson: $94,000 ($47,000 win bonus)
def. Spencer Fisher: $26,000

Anthony Johnson: $30,0000 ($15,000 win bonus)
def. Yoshiyuki Yoshida: $12,000

Ryan Bader: $30,000 ($15,000 win bonus)
def. Eric Schafer: $13,000

Pat Barry: $14,000 ($7,000 win bonus)
def. Antoni Hardonk: $16,000

Chael Sonnen: $54,000 ($27,000 win bonus)
def. Yushin Okami: $18,000

Jorge Rivera: $36,000 ($18,000 win bonus)
def. Rob Kimmons: $9,000

Kyle Kingsbury: $16,000 ($8,000 win bonus)
def. Razak Al-Hassan: $3,000

Stefan Struve: $14,000 ($7,000 win bonus)
def. Chase Gormley: $10,000

Straight up, seems like a lot right? But while it starts high, that douche Chase Gormley didn't get paid much did he?

Take into consideration that these guys need to dedicate their lives to training a solid 1-3 months in advance for one of these events (on top of their regular training) and they on make out with say $10k for getting their brains bashed in for a couple of minutes. Worth the $60 you pay to watch it in HD?

Size Total Roster % of Roster paid over $1million per/year % of Roster paid under $1million per/year
UFC 219 8.2% 91.8%
NBA 452 83.6% 16.4%
NHL 700 57.6% 42.4%

Put that in your pipe and smoke it slowly and sensually. While the top UFC athletes get paid very well, the others seem to get compensated alright for their troubles as a professional athlete. Maybe something to think about before thinking you take on Big Nog after your next so called BJJ class.

Wednesday, January 27

It's not me, it's you.


When you reach your late twenties you might be surprised to discover you still don't have life quite figured out.

Southern Comfort lift, Blue MountainWhile there doesn't seem to be any shortage of completely awkward situations in life, there is one particular situation that seems to happen a lot more often than others. It's by getting through these awesome ordeals do you begin to realize that awkwardness is a two way street.

The situation in question is the: being out, seeing someone you know, recognizing each other, making eye contact with them, neither of you saying anything, then walking not two feet past each other and then wondering why neither of you said anything.

For example, it happened to me at least twice during the past weekend alone (while completely tearing up the slopes at Blue, btw). While I won't go into great detail, one was a guy and one was a girl - with the guy it was like a 25 yard walk and we passed not 2 feet away from each other. And with the girl, it was walking through the chalet, I'm pretty sure we were looking at each other for a solid 2 seconds straight. How come nobody said anything?

Delicious drink.While I'll admit that I'm completely horrible with names/faces and completely oblivious to obvious situations all most of the time, is it possible that I think I'm better friends/acquaintances with people than I actually am? Or are we both just arrogant jerks? Or are we just too intimidated or too impressed to actually see each other in real life situations? Or are we both just complete chicken shits?

While I will won't lose sleep over things like this, it's nice to know that there are still some mysteries to life or maybe I'm just deficient.

But seriously, if I were a super hero my super power would probably be the ability to turn any situation into an awkward one.


Tuesday, January 26

News Flash: Google Wave still totally sucks.

I'm usually pretty excited about totally useless tech and gadgets, so when Google Wave first came out I was all hyped up, got nominated and jumped on the bandwagon. 2 days later, after my nomination turned into an actual invite, I shat my pants logged in ready to fall off my dinosaur from how awesome it would be to wave with my so called friends, only to discover that I had no one to wave with. Great. On top of that I didn't have the ability to actually invite anyone. What's the point of this so called collaboration tool when you got no one to collaborate with.

I'll admit that I didn't really see the point of starting from scratch and replacing my email and messenger with all the promise of real time interactivity and whatnot, but like most things it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Fast forward a few days when some more friends actually got the thing. Great, time to awesome all over this mother. But wait..its pretty slow..I think its down...Why does it keep telling me I have new waves when I don't. Let me try to start a new one...wait no that doesn't work either...epic fail.

But doesn't Gmail already do most of this? And better? And it actually works?

So fast forward until yesterday night, when I log into Wave again to see whats new. So I'm sitting there totally expecting there to be like 45 unread waves that I'm going to go all interactive over and draw some maps and play Sudoku with, but all I see is a bunch of abandoned test messages that end with something like "screw this", "totally useless" and a penis drawn on a map.

I guess the thing about being too far ahead of the curve is that you're usually the only one there. Will it be popular in the future? Who knows, it sure as hell ain't popular now. It definitely didn't live up to the hype.

Sorry Lars, its a flop.

Monday, January 25

Life is an intersecting series of lives and incidents.

The Kickdrums - Things Work Out

Bombay Bicycle Club - Evening/Morning
Metric - Gimme Sympathy (Acoustic)

Shiny Toy Guns - Ghost Town

Sunday, January 24

I am going to buy panties now

What does it take to be a man? Shaving your face daily? Knowing how to start a fire with a rock? How many women you have slept with? What car you drive? Having a penis? I don’t know what the answer is, or know if there is even one real answer. I consider myself a man, I have a penis and I shave once in a while, but any time I am in the presence of a real man I know that I have a long way to go. I have a list in my mind of manly men and after minutes months of deliberation I have a clear #1.

Now, you are thinking “Who is manlier than a guy named Mayhem?” Is it the guy who can pull a plane with his penis? Is it Mariusz Pudzianowski, the multiple Worlds Strongest Man championship winner? Is it our own blogger extraordinaire, Make Me Emperor? No, all of them are complete waste of testosterone. Sorry, Emperor. No, none of these men deserve to wipe the ass of my #1, Fedor Emelianenko.

I know all of you just did a collective, who? Maybe if you let me talk and shut up for a minute I will tell you! But hear me out. Fedor Emelianenko was the reigning and last Pride FC Heavyweight World Champion, the current WAMMA Heavy Weight Champion and current scourge of the Strikeforce Heavyweight division. Also, he is a multiple time Sambo champion and close friend of Valdimir Putin. Here is a picture.

Scary? Not really, right? But don’t let the slightly tubby appearance fool you, he is a one man wrecking machine that would send any tough guy you could imagine running for the hills. He is six feet tall and two hundred thirty three pounds of pure terror. He moves around the cage like a man half his weight, hits like a semi truck filled with TNT and has the submission skills to take whatever part of your body he chooses home with him.

Promoters have thrown contender after contender after him and he tears through them like a buzz saw through toast. His record of 31 wins, 1 loss and 1 no contest is a testament to his awesomeness. That one loss on his record? Not legit, the other guy cheated and not too long after Fedor repaid him in full for his cowardly ways. He has wins over the who’s who in MMA, here is a sampling: Kevin Randleman, Mark Coleman, Andrei Arlovski, Tim Sylvia, Matt Lindland, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria and Semmy Schlit.

Fedor trains and lives in Stary Oskol, Russia. That in itself is a manly feat, no one choses to live in Russia. He is so badass he trains at the Red Devil Sport Club, that name alone makes my penis want to leave me and go live with Fedor because just living in his pocket is manlier than being attached to my pathetic body. He runs five miles every morning, naked I would assume, in -30 Celsius weather. He trains in the mountains six days a week and eats a stew made of sinewy because it has magical power and when he gets bored of all of that he fights bears with his bare hands.

There he is, Fedor "Destroyer of Planets" Emelianenko. Just writing this has made me depressed because I will never be 1% of the man he is. Here are some videos of him doing what he does best and I apologize in advance, I also have trouble sleeping knowing that he roams the earth.

The Lovely Bones, because it gives me the scabies.

Didn't read the book bust watched the movie. While it didn't fare too well with Rotten Tomatoes I thought it was a pretty good movie...but then again Talladega Nights is one of my favorite movies ever.

But seriously, that movie just creeps the shit out of me. Is that the kind of thing we have to worry about for our kids?

Note to self: Never move next to a creepy old white guy with a mustache and rapist glasses. NEVER.

Saturday, January 23

Star Wars + adidas = AWESOME

The adidas Originals Star Wars Collection for 2010. I've finally convinced David Beckham and Snoop Dogg to jump on the Star Wars band wagon, after all this time.

Must get. Now off to the slopes!

Friday, January 22

The worst people in the world

I have been watching a lot of Jersey Shore lately and it has only reinforced my belief that people make celebrities out of the least deserving people.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching stupid people but Ronnie, Nicole, Pauley, Angelina, Vinny, Mike, Sam and Jenni are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with the world. They are the fake tan wearing, blow out gelling, tight shirt wearing and ignorance loving douche bags that we all hate. I will admit that I am part of the problem because I love watching douche bags in their natural habitat and argue about whether pink eye can be caught through the air or not, but it also makes me sad that people like this actual exist and are multiplying at an alarming rate because they don’t use condoms or think about the consequence of sharing their defective genes.

People like Stephen Hawking, Damian Hirst, Nelson Mandela and other brilliant people deserve to be bigger celebrities but they aren’t because they are boring and talk about relevant topics. If we put a camera in their houses we would all fall asleep. No one wants to watch them solve world hunger or paint the next great piece of art that will be talked about for eternity. I am guilty of this and while I would like to change, world conspires against me. Whenever I turn on the TV I am bombarded with The Hills, Vampire Diaries, Jersey Shore and any number of IQ lowering programs that have become the norm.

What is the solution? Make the world read more? Only show reruns of Nova from PBS? I hope not. Would watching intelligent people live their lives solve the problem? Isn’t TV itself the problem? We don’t have to do anything to watch TV; there is no mental stimulation at all. The problem is that we all know we are stupid and we hate to watch those that will make us feel inferior. Watching Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore makes us feel better about ourselves because we don’t tan 12 hours a week or get a haircut every time we hit the club or say “bro” every three words. If I had to watch the world’s geniuses at work I just might kill myself. I can’t figure out a tip in a restaurant meanwhile Stephen Hawking is working on the string theory, how am I supposed to feel?

So I will ask you again, what is the solution? I don’t know. Until we do find a situation I want to punch Snooki in the face being so stupid and then hold her in my arms for making me feel better about myself.

Went retro, found Panasonic RP-HTX7 headphones.

I'm not going to lie, I'm an impulse shopper - 100% of the time. If I like something I'll probably somehow convince myself that I actually need it. Don't get me wrong, I do my best to reason it out and I feel guilty about buying random stuff all the time, but I'll only usually buy stuff when it seems like I'm getting a good deal (at least that's what I tell myself).

Anyhow, in my quest to listen to more music in 2010, I picked up a pair of these bad boys as my new everyday throw around women headphones. They cost $40 (shipped) from my favorite place the eBay, but be warned! You better watch your ass though because I almost shit a chimpanzee when I found out that they are selling a lot of these knock offs all over the place. Believe it or not, there's a huge market (?) for fake headphones out there, and people report buying them off Amazon and even Target and getting knock offs, falling apart and sounding like crap. I was pretty nervous but once I got them, verified they were legit and was pretty happy that I didn't have to rage all over that seller's eBay feedback form.

I'm not going to write a review because I'm no audiophile but I will tell you that the build quality is pretty solid, they're comfortable and they actually sound great (probably a little better after burn in). Don't get me wrong, they're no Sennheisers but they're also less than a fraction of the price. Win!

Panasonic RP-HTX7 Headphones 1
Panasonic RP-HTX7 Headphones 2
Panasonic RP-HTX7 Headphones 3
Panasonic RP-HTX7 Headphones 4

FYI they are actually baby blue but I just didn't care enough failed to make any adjustments before or after taking the pictures, lol.

Thursday, January 21

It smells so wrong it's right.

It's been kind of a mild Winter around these here parts, and there honestly hasn't been enough snow in Toronto to make a half decent snow man. The fact that it's cold without the snow is like eating an ice cream cone without the actual ice cream - it's LAME.

It's also around that time of the year when you start to see a lot of people's msn/facebook/talk statuses saying stuff like "wish it were summer" or "I'm lame because I'm afraid of the cold" or something to that effect. Blame it on SAD or whatever, but if you're living in the Great White North you should probably get used to this at some point. Anyhow, here are some shots I dug up from my cell phone during a "warmer" time.

Global Cheese, Kensington Market

Global Cheese, Kensington Market, Toronto

Cafe Crepe, Queen St., Toronto

Cafe Crepe, Queen St., Toronto

Wednesday, January 20

Finally LINE Traveling Circus Season 2 Episode 4!

It's been a while but Episode 4: A Mid-West Marathon is out. Oh to be a ski bum. Vermont mega trip in T minus two weeks!

Tuesday, January 19

News Flash: Banana Boat dragon boat team is #246, muahahhah

Because its nice to know where you stand and that someone is keeping tabs...

"The MLDB Crew Rankings System is the most comprehensive rankings system in North America. Comprised of events throughout the continent, the ranking system incorporates hundreds of crew's performances. The system is based on a one year rolling time frame."


I haven't seen the list since our last season ended, and we weren't on there then, but I checked again today and BAM! The list is pretty legit, and although I think we only competed in one actual GWN event, its nice to see the Banana Boat on there. Now we know the teams we have to hate on beat this year.

Monday, January 18

Music Mondays: last night i had a dream about you...

Alphabeat - Digital Love (Daft Punk Cover)
She's Got You - Cosmo Jarvis
Grafton Primary - All Stars (Voleurz)
Kid Cudi - Ask About Me (Kickdrums remix)

Sunday, January 17

I feel cheap and used

That's right folks, I have been publicly violated.

I go to the grocery store to buy food stuffs for the coming week. I shop around; buy my yogurt, cereal, ham slices and my beloved chicken strips. Let me take a second and profess my love for President's Choice Blue Menu Chicken Strips. These chicken strips and I first met when I was looking for a well balanced meal when I was cutting weight last year, I noticed them because of the eye catching blue package and took notice when I read the extremely well balance nutrition profile, and then it was love at first bite. They are healthy, moist and tasty. What more could a man want? I was also on a quest to find steel cut oats but that is a story for another day. Anyway, back to the violating.

I was waiting in line with my cart, I was bent over resting my forearms on the cart talking to my brother and while we were chatting it happened. A cashier was making her way to her till, I saw her coming but she had plenty of room to make it by, or so I thought, while I was mid sentence with my brother she walked by extremely close and felt my ass. Now, let me clarify "felt my ass", she just didn't want by and brush up against me, oh no, she walked passed me and I felt her four fingers run across my cheeks! Does this happen in real life? Yes, and this isn't the first time it has happened to me, and let me tell you, it doesn't make it any less weird the more it happens.

I am a gentleman and I have never done anything like that to a woman. I would never think of running my hand across a complete stranger’s ass. What is going through these people’s heads? Lust, that's what.

I was just trying to buy my chicken strips, guys, just trying to buy my chicken strips.

Chocolate weapons...sweet

Diabetes, like guns, can kill you. Makes perfect sense that someone would make something like this.

I like how he says, "The thing that's nice about these are that they are actually real chocolate, not that cheap crappy chocolate that they use for chocolate coins..." Way to sell it.

He actually stores real ammo in the empty containers as well, which is apparently what a lot of people are doing. He says how the actual boxes ammo comes are crappy and always falls apart. Last time I checked they seemed to hold up pretty well. At least the video ends with Thunderstruck? Chocolate weapons...pass.

Saturday, January 16

When japanese MMA fighters make low budget music videos.

Genki Sudo's World Order. Highly enjoyable.

Friday, January 15

My first Holga experience. Hey Mikey, I think he likes it.

Film will always be king, absolutely. Everyone used to shoot 35mm and it was great. Because I'm a lame photographer I felt like I needed another challenge, I decided to have some fun with film and bought a Holga to see what all the fuss is about.

My Holga
Holgas are medium format toy cameras and you can buy one off eBay for about $40. Because it's a crappy plastic toy of the way they're made, every one is unique and itgives each picture it takes some of its unique flavor. Any by unique flavor I mean pretty random results, which is why people love them. That's what mine looks like.

Of course not everyone is down with this kind of thing - you can be a pixel counter or a stiff ass for sharpness, but I like the fun and games of the organic pictures they take.

So I took a couple of pictures, developed the film and it turns out that Holga's are pretty swell. I have some pics taped around my monitor, my sister has some stuck in her mirror and the rest are long gone. They're totally wacky and one offs and I think people love the fact that you get a REAL photo to hang on to! Holgas are fun!

On the down side, scanning a copy for myself turned out to be a real pain...and even worse there's TONS OF DUST all over the pics because my scanner is a Dinosaur. That's exactly why I hate scanning pictures, but I thought I'd do it for the Holga shots since I like them so much.


While these may not seem like anything to phone home about for you, I like them just fine.

People say don't even develop your first roll because they'll probably be crap, but wen't ahead and did them all without knowing what they'd look like. Of the 4 rolls I got developed 10 of the exposures turned out to be duds. It was probably my fault the camera, but anyway, don't let the scans fool you the pictures came out clearly. The only thing I'm not digging is the novelty multi color flash (red, white, blue, yellow). Just use white, the other ones are crap. And you know what they say, knowing is half the battle.

Anyway, while its super fun I won't completely give up digital any time soon, but you can bet your ass I'm gonna bust out the Holga when I can...or until something else I think is cool catches my eye.

Thursday, January 14

Giada "Man Hands" De Laurentiis

The Food Network is pretty much the only "normal" television channel that I'll actually watch on a regular basis, and by normal I mean something not obscure like Oasis HD or Slice.

One thing has always bugged me though. I always wondered why Some of the hosts on the Food Network never wear their wedding rings. You know for sure they're married because they talk about their husbands and kids and what not, and sure they can get roughed up every now and again by some rogue eggplant, but it's really only the women that don't wear them. Probably a marketing ploy, like how they also show just barely enough cleave? Who knows.

Anyhow, while watching some Food Network the other day and confirming this observation, I thought I'd bring up something else that's been bothering me that I've wondered if anyone else has noticed. If you've ever seen Giada at Home or Everyday Italian or some short perky Italian woman talking about nothing in particular, then you've seen her before.

I was browsing a list of 100 hottest girls of 2009 when I saw her on that list. While 42 seems a little generous, I won't disagree with the fact that she is a total MILF. But has anyone else noticed that she has manlier hands than I do? Now coming back to the wedding ring thing, my theory is that she doesn't wear one because she is ashamed of her mountain man hands and doesn't want to attract attention to them. Bam! Have a taste of that.

Seriously, watch her knead some bread. It's freaky.

Wednesday, January 13

Get your WOK on. Snails and clams in black bean chili sauce.

Because I didn't get this amazing physique by not knowing how to cook anything, I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite snacks that I made over the weekend: snails in black bean chili sauce. This time I threw a couple clams in there for good measure but this so called "recipe" is the same.

Ginger, Garlic, Chilis
I use the word recipe extremely loosely because I generally don't know what I'm talking about it changes every time I make it, but this is my best guess as to what I used. Basically if you're gonna try this, adjust the ingredients to your liking and taste it - if it tastes good then its good.

Here are the culprits:
- 3 lbs snails (wash your seafood)
- 1 lb clams
- 1 big nub of ginger
- 4 cloves garlic
- 20 dried chilis (because I love spicy food)
- 1/4 cup chinese cooking wine
- 1/4 cup water
- 1 tbsp black bean and garlic paste
- 1 tbsp oyster sauce
- 1 tsp soy sauce
- dash of sugar

Snails and clams in black bean, garlic and chili sauceIt's dead easy. Grab your wok, heat some oil up and dump in the garlic, chilis and ginger. Fry them up for a bit to release the goodness and then throw in the black bean paste. Fry it for about a half a minute longer then stir in everything else plus the snails.

Let it steam for about 10-12 minutes but half way through throw in the clams, since they won't take as long. Its pretty forgiving and won't turn into vulcanized rubber instantaneously so don't sweat over it too much.

It's done when the clams open up. Finish off with some corn starch slurry to thicken the sauce as much as you'd like, then grab a stack of napkins, tooth picks and a couple cold ones because you'll be there for a while.

Hate it or love it, I'm still gonna eat it.

Tuesday, January 12

Birth of an AVATAR...because you liked the movie so much that you wanted to turn yourself into one.

This post should have probably taken place three weeks ago when I actually saw the movie, but anyway I'm writing about it now since Avatar is still on top. Unfortunately I didn't get to see it in IMAX 3D, just crappy old regular 3D (damn you sold out shows/James Cameron). While the story line was pretty cookie cutter it was still awesome. Two words to describe it: MIND EXPLOSION.

And I don't know what it is about that girl from Center Stage - maybe she just likes to tease sci-fi geeks folk all the time, but its probably not fair.

Anyhow, here's a video of a guy I guess really digs Na'vi and a link to a forum of where people talk about ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible. I'm sure it has been infiltrated by hooligans by now...give the losers poor people a chance.

I'll just stick to the human girls.

Monday, January 11

I am twelve

I am twelve years old, maybe thirteen at the oldest. Not in actual years but at heart. I have a full time "grown up" job, I wear "grown up" clothes and I pay "grown up" bills, but at heart I want to wear short pants all the time, do my paper route once a week and not have to worry about where my next meal will come from.

I am not afraid to admit it. I think everyone should embrace their inner child and do it as much as possible. Everyday I belch loudly, fart on those around me and laugh, laugh, laugh. I ENJOY myself! It is a crazy idea but it works.

Besides hilarious bodily functions, I remember the toys and TV shows that I loved when I was a kid. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? You bet! Transformers? I still say "roll out" when I leave the house every morning. Care bears? Still got those PJ's He-man? Still working on my Battle Cat genetic experiment.

I was browsing around YouTube and I stumbled upon some of my favourite TV shows from years gone. Anyone else remember these?

Mr. Bumpy, the coolest guy to live off you dirty socks. Unlike that creepy guy at the gym.

Beekmans world, like Bill Nye on meth. Kind of like that creepy guy at the gym.

Pee Wee Herman. Probably is the creepy guy at the gym.

Next time the world tries to beat you down, remember these videos and what used to make you the most happy. Also, fart on someone.

Music Mondays: I'm trying something new here...

Bear with me here...

Total Babe - Bearbot
Fyfe Dangerfield - When
You Walk In The Room

Dirty Goods - Honest

I know I had the video for the third one before but I just finally found the mp3 and listen to it all the time. You should be able to download those. There's gotta be a better way than that...anyway, I'm probably going to give up with this embedding music thing soon.

And 1. Dragonette - Pick up the Phone (I can't tell whether I like this video or not...I can at least tolerate it).

Sunday, January 10

The movie theater

The movie theater has the highest concentration of idiots in the world. I am still working on the numbers but just from what I witness every time I see a movie it must be true. It must be the social atmosphere and the promise of entertainment that brings in the dregs of society.

Every time I go to the movie theater I always run into people who: kick my seat, talk non-stop, use their cellphones to blind me, dig in their bag of pop corn for 20 minutes at a time or a combination of all of those.

I used to think it was just at action or comedy movies these events would happen but I have come to realize is happens at any and all movies. How does one pay $12 to see a movie and then use your cellphone to text your friends for the full two hours? Do you know realize someone is sitting in the seat you are kicking? Also use your whisper voice if you want to talk to your friends, this is not the mall.

On many occasions I have had to tell people to shut up or put their phones away or to stop doing their best Pele impression on the back of my seat. People have completely lost their social awareness and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Those of us who are intelligent and socially aware people need to start correcting these habits.

My friend Denise made it her new years resolution to not take crap any more (mostly at the theater) or as she said "The year Denise is not afraid to cut a bitch". I think we all need to make this our top priority. If you see someone using their cellphone don't be afraid to tell them right away, don't wait and hope they will realize their mistakes because they won't. If someone is talking, even five words, tell them to shut up! Nip these behaviours in the bud. Get the manager if it continues and then demand a replacement ticket for missing part of the movie.

We need to fix society and it will happen one movie at a time.

Finally watched Jersey Shore, just expanded my lexicon.

I'm typing this as I'm watching the show for the first time. I've seen commercials and clips but I'm talking full episode here. You know it wouldn't be MTV reality if there wasn't total unnecessary drama, but this is literally drama on steroids...because that's what everyone in the house takes...steroids.

If anything the show is great just based on the dialogue alone. Maybe my street talk has fallen off a bit but these guys have a serious case of ridiculosis. Here are some examples:

Grenade launcher = fat chick. "There's like 2 girls and a grenade launcher standing outside."

Jump on a grenade = take one for the team. "I'm all about being a wing man and I'd jump on a grenade for you, but that girl is just straight explosion."

GTL = Gym, Tan, Laundry. What two of the guys do every single day. "You gotta look right when you go out, GTL baby."

Creep = Find some girls, hook up with some girls. "I'm back, lets go to Beachcombers and creep on some girls."

The best part of the episode was when one of the main female characters got into a fight with some hos at the house (over nothing in particular by the way) and one of the guys describes it as WWIII. Then after the tramps get picked up by the cops, I guess it was really early in the morning because the garbage truck comes by and one of the guys yells, "Hey white trash, your ride's here." Classic.

Anyhow, the show ends with one of main guy characters getting into a fight and roid raging all over the boardwalk then flipping tables over at house. Life's full of drama as it is which is probably why I never leave my bedroom but at least I don't live on the Shore...

Is this what the other side is like?

Anyway, because I can here's the latest Kick-Ass trailer so you can stop thinking about Jersey Shore.

Saturday, January 9

Lessons Learned

Here's what I've learned in the past two days...

1. When you live in the rainiest city ever, always wear your rainboots. Even if it's not raining when you leave for work...wear them anyways. This will prevent you from having soaking wet shoes and pants when you get home. Mesh running shoes are also a terrible footwear decision in the rain.

2. When you have a DVD/VHS combo (that's right...VHS) from 2003 and you've been trying to program a three year old universal remote for an hour, with no success...sometimes it's easier to buy a new $50 DVD player that comes with it's own remote. This is what I will be doing at London Drugs tomorrow. Happy early birthday to me.

3. Straight, single men do exist in Vancouver. Woo!

You know what's really creepy?

When they make fake people...even if it is of a UFC champ.

Can someone please order me one of Katy Perry. Thanks.

Friday, January 8

How in the world did the 90s come back into style?

Its natural that things come full circle but what I don't get is how the most uncool stuff in the 90s somehow became the coolest stuff today. Last time I remember I was getting made fun of people were not keen on wearing down filled jackets or converse shoes back when I was in grade 8.

Exhibit 1: Canada Goose Collection (yeah, those jackets)

It gets to be around -20ÂșC with the wind chill pretty regularly up there in the Arctic Toronto, so I'm pretty glad that being warm is back in style...because I thought I was getting to be pretty lame for a second there *whew*.

You know who else has been wearing Canada Goose for the past 30 years? My Dad. He might just be the coolest guy you've ever met.

Exhibit 2: Plaid and Converse

Kurt Cobain and the lumberjacks did it best, everyone else just pretends. I'm pretty sure they didn't wear it because it was on sale at The Gap or Jean Machine. Don't act like you don't know...

Throw in some poor orthopedic canvas shoes for good measure.

Exhibit 3: Nerd Glasses (worn by people who don't need glasses)

Unless you're Amir Bloomsauce or someone who needs prescription lenses, you are not allowed to wear these glasses.

As much as I like to stare at this girl for hours how cute this girl looks in the music video, I hate the fact that her glasses are fake. I've actually seen douche bags people at the bar wearing fake glasses as well. I'm glad having poor vision is all the rage right now.

Am I guilty of these crimes? Absolutely, except for the glasses one thats just preposterous. A guy's gotta look good right?

Thursday, January 7

People are Idiots, Volume I: Parking

I suppose this entry should start with an introduction, as it's been titled as a series...the intention for this scrawl is to point out in (hopefully) humourous fashion some of the common blunders and mistakes made by members of the population of this wonderful planet that we call home. I'm not immune to making some of them myself, and may publish a work detailing my own ineptitude at some point (highly unlikely as that may be). It's a gross generality to assume that all people are idiots, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that the actions of one can affect the perceptions of many, hence the blanket title for this series of (barely coherent) rants. Enough with the prelude, on to the idiocy...

You've all seen it. A parking lot full of cars lined up as though arranged by a 4-year-old with their eyes closed, after guzzling down a 950mL Minotaur Energy Drink. Sometimes the situation is exacerbated by the holiday season, or by a major event, but regardless of goings-on or the time of year, people still fail to put the wheels inside the yellow lines.

Case in point: I (attempt to) leave work today to head home for lunch, only to find that some moron has parked his minivan not 8 inches from my driver's side door:

There was a moment of quiet hesitation when I first observed this heinous encroachment of my car's personal space, and then the rage began to boil. If this wasn't in such a public place, some very bad things may have happened to this minivan. Just saying.

Rage was replaced by bewilderment and confusion as to how oblivious one must be to the space in which their vehicle operates...embarrassing as it may be, I frequently take second (or third) passes at getting a half-decent parking job, if only to ensure that I can actually get out of my car without smashing my door against the adjacent car.

So, after clambering into the driver's seat through the passenger's door, I quelled my desire to give this driver the written equivalent of the frowning of a lifetime and drove off. Suggestions as to how to punish these sort of shenanigans are welcome, legality optional.

I don't think that it would be a bad idea to put people through a more rigorous driver's instruction program. If the cities are worried about traffic, increase the frequency of testing and get some of these jokers off the road. Don't even get me started about the sort of shit I see while I'm actually driving...

I'll close with one of the most spectacular parking failures I've ever seen:


The King is back.

Let me tell you a little bit about Tetris. I love it, it's awesome and it makes you smarter.

After something like a 4 year hiatus from Tetris, I'm back. If you don't know the story about how Blockstar sold out and hosed everyone's high scores, then forget about it. All you need to know is that Blockstar was is a bunch of jerks. Anyway, in a triumphant 3 day return to the new Tetris Friends, I managed to sufficiently wax all of my so-called Facebook friends and regain my title(s) as Supreme Chancellor.

To celebrate, I bought this. Yes...this is the kind of thing I spend money on...

Tetris fliptop

So here's my review. I'm not going to lie, the screen and buttons are so small it makes this thing is extremely awkward to play. Regardless of that minor issue, you will catch me playing it on the train or airplane getting carpal tunnel syndrome. -25 EXP!

Wednesday, January 6

You know you're a badass when...

PhotobucketYou know you're a badass when you wear super flamboyant tights, break people's arms and then flip everyone off with no remorse.

If you missed it (I know I did), here's K-1 Dynamite Shinya Aoki vs Mizuto Hirota from New Year's Eve.

MMA can get pretty messy. Kind of graphic? yeah. 

So if you're not interested in that kind of thing the just look at this super cute GIF and don't press the play button.

Consider yourself warned.

Tuesday, January 5

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets.

In my 26 years of existence I can't remember the last time I've made a New Year's resolution - Maybe it's because I thought they were lame I think it was because I believed that you don't have to wait until the next year to do something different. But in thinking that I never ended up changing anything anyway...Just call me the ultimate hypocrite, I won't deny it.

Well this year I think will be different, which is why this year I'm going to make some new resolutions for my bad self. Setting goals is a good thing right? Ready or not, here's the list. Each item on it is there because I believe that it will somehow make me a more tolerable better person...

1. More Music

Music soothes the savage beast right? I hope so. Since lately music sucks so much, I feel that I've just not been listening to enough of what's out there. New headphones (yeah, the ones in the image) + new earphones + old iPod = Radio Emperor. Screw you Canadian radio, interweb here I come.

2. Smoking Hot Pretty Girl to Kiss Next New Year's Eve

Because I've flawlessly mastered the art of being single and I'm not going back to University any time soon, my loins ache it would be real nice to not hang out with like 20 guys on a regular basis.

Seriously. If this guy can do it, I've gotta have a shot right? What's every good looking girl doing tonight?

3. Be More Healthy

I think this is the one that makes the list of pretty much anyone who makes a list. As cliché as it is, I need to get in on the action. Since my job involves me sitting in front of a computer all day long, I think its time to shed some pounds and cut back on the excessiveness. Here I come with my sexy self - my liver should thank me.

4. Sleep More

As dumb as it sounds, I think some of the reason why I'm as weird and dysfunctional awesome as I am is because I don't sleep that much. Its not that I don't like reading New Moon cleaning my rifles until 1:30am on a Thursday night, but I probably shouldn't. Caffeine ain't no substitute for solid rest.

5. New Haircut

According to this site, I've had pretty much the same ivy league/faux hawk/other variation hair cut for the past 5 years (except for the one summer where I sported the shaved head and the winter where I grew the afro). Maybe its because its easy but I think I need an older more sophisticated look. Side part anyone?

While I know I can't go cold turkey all the time, I'll do my best to try most of the time. Getting bad grades is at least better than failing right? We'll see how this plays out.

Monday, January 4

Text, it can be tricky

The Internet was invented for pornography sharing information and since then it has developed into a monster. On the Internet you can literally do anything from renting a car to finding that special someone to selling that special someone to a special someone else overseas for a small (read: large) finder’s fee. And while you are not buying and selling mail orders brides you can find a little bit of information. Make sure before you take that information as fact you cross check it with Wikipedia ask someone who actually knows what they are talking about, we wouldn't want you to get false information. When those nerds sat down those many years ago they could have never imagined what they were about to thrust upon the world.

Now that we have known each other for some time and you have fallen in love with me, you know I use a certain degree of sarcasm, or I hope you do because if you don't, oh man, I feel sorry for you and your pathetic life. Anyway, one of the biggest problems I run into on the Internet is the problem of crossed signals. On the Internet what you type lacks nuance and that leads to many, many arguments and disappointments. I have no problems disappointing people or arguing with them until they eventually see my point of view or it leads to us meeting in a Zellers parking lot to settle this like men, you pussy. What I cannot deal with is the lowering of standards we have had to endure, especially in the comedy category. The quality of comedy is steadily decreasing but our reactions stay the same. This picture perfectly illustrates what I am talking about:

As you can see, we have been subjected to bad comedy for so long that we react with enthusiasm because that what is expected, but we actually feel very little. The last pane is actually how I feel when I see everyone laughing at mediocre comedy, uncontrollable rage. What is the cure? Go to sites that are actually funny, here are a few:

Hark A Vagrant
Penny Arcade
Dinosaur Comics
Cyanide and Happiness

Music Mondays: Some old songs for the new year

Odds - Someone Who's Cool (whatever happened to these guys)

Sloan - The Lines You Amend (great live)

The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 (because you know you love it...hard to find embeddable video, hope it lasts)

Pharrell - Can I Have It Like That ft. Gwen Stefani (yeah)

50 Cent - In Da Club (don't deny it, just embrace it)

Sunday, January 3

2010: Its on like Donkey Kong!

That's right folks, another year and decade gone and I think we are all the better for surviving it.

2009 was a year of ups and many, many downs. I could go on and recap the year but you guys lived it, you know what happened. Let's look forward to the year coming. 2010 is the year of epic sporting events: The 2010 Winter Olympics and the 2010 World Cup. Here are some videos to get you PUMPED!

2010 World Cup

2010 Winter Olympics

Friday, January 1

New Years shit storm avoided

Looks like we made it through another year, welcome to 2010...

Nothing really to report other than fun and excess...except for the part where the random drunk guy on the corner of John & Richmond who whipped out his penis for no reason. Hope everyone else made it out alive.

Now enjoy the first weekend of the year. See you on the slopes.