Hi there, welcome to my blog.

What's this all about? Well, that's a question I'm probably not even qualified to answer. I guess it started off because I had nothing better to do, but turns out that I kind of like it. So when I'm not working for The Man I like to take pictures, make videos and write about whatever else might seem like a good idea at the time.

From dragon boating to mountain biking, to road trips and travels overseas - this is me trying to enjoy life. Clock out at 5, eat, drink and don't forget to smile a lot.


This is a personal blog, all opinions expressed are meant to be in good fun - if you are offended by heavy sarcasm and jokes that are in poor taste then this is not for you. If you have any copyright related issues please contact us via messenger pigeon.


Monday, May 31

Missed the boat...

So we missed dragon boat practice yesterday because my cousin decided that he needed his beauty rest and because Toronto decided to do some construction and because some G20 foolishness was going on. I think what's most disappointing is that I didn't get to take the GoPro out for it's inaugural filming.

No swimming at Balmy Beach

Banana Boat @ Balmy Beach

To add insult to injury, my paddle wax melted all up in my mesh pocket and on the back of my life jacket. Gross.

The only going thing about the day was that the weather was beautiful and everyone was out at the beach in full force. Since we were on the sidelines, we had time to walk down the boardwalk and check out all the hot...weather. Yeah...

Sunday, May 30

You're baller, that's it.

At the range people like to talk and literally they like to talk about anything ever. Hell, I love to talk as well which is half the reason why I like to go to the place. From BBQ recipes, to gun smithing, to reloading, to their kids - you can start a conversation about anything with anybody and it will have some actual context. It's not one of those 20 second talks you have with one of those guys you went to school with and randomly encountered somewhere and you just want to GTFO.

It's pretty legit. Most of the time it includes a firm handshake and ends with something like: have fun, I'll see you next time, or enjoy but that's only because most gun owners are good people and they will actually see you next time and talk to you again.

Seriously, what else could you say? Make the kill clean, aim for the heart...headshot! No, that's all pretty inappropriate when everyone is holding something that could end your existence at the blink of an eye and there's no actual game around.

I can't re-iterate it enough. Those guys at the range who ensure safety and practice for the clean kill have actually increased the population of the animals which they hunt. Sure you get the occasional douche every now and again, or the straggler trying to impress a girl, but for the most part all the irresponsible gun owners are in jail. They are amongst the most responsible and helpful people I've met, and they're super baller. FYI larger caliber rounds can easily cost $1.25 and upwards so it's either pretty baller when you see a guy in the action range going Rambo with it. You might buy a gun for $1000 and put maybe 50 rounds through it for the year.

I got into a conversation with one of the range officers this weekend about the rifle I was shooting at the time, and it turned out one of the bikes he own is made by the same manufacturer (CZ). Interesting. After that, I point over to this ultra baller Ducati Monster parked just over the way and he's like, "Yeah, well that's mine..." BALLER. He continues to say, "Bikes are like guns, you can't just have one..."

Silverdale Gun Club

Thursday, May 27

Drinks that can kill you...really.

WOW. Men's Health put together a list of the 20 Worst Drinks in America 2010, and I'll have to admit I've drank a couple of these. While the sugar ones seem pretty bad, you ain't seen nothin' yet until you get to the top 5. Here are a few:

SoBe Green Tea (1 bottle, 20 fl oz)2400g61g4 slices Sara Lee Cherry Pie
Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino (1 bottle, 13.7 fl oz)2904.5g fat (2.5g saturated)45g32 Nilla Wafers
Starbucks White Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream (venti, 20 fl oz)5206g fat (11g saturated)75g9 Strawberry Rice Krispie Treats
McDonald’s Triple Thick Chocolate Shake (large, 32 fl oz)1,16027 g fat (16g saturated, 2g trans)168g13 McDonald’s Baked Hot Apple Pies
Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape (large, 40 fl oz)1,4984 g fat (8g saturated)214g20 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Cold Stone PB&C (Gotta Have It size, 24 fl oz)2,010131g fat (68g saturated)153g30 Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies

Enjoy one of these in this nice weather, you deserve it...and by it I mean a heart attack.

Wednesday, May 26

I guess this is what happens when you piss off a computer savvy Saudi Arabian guy

So I'm tracking the status of my GoPro through FedEx and decide to go to their website to see some of the accessories that they can rob me for I can buy. Guess what? Your Site Have Got Hacked By <( TaWaG NjD )>, aka some Saudi Arabia Hacker...wonder what they did to piss him off.

On a related note there's a fair bit of javascript, an embedded swf and even scrolling tab description on that page. I like this guys style, lol.

If my credit card info is compromised I will not be impressed. So much for security.

Tuesday, May 25

The Vermont Ski Trilogy is complete!

After Jon stepped it up and finished his video, I had to step it as well and finish mine. The trilogy is complete, summer here we come.

Monday, May 24

It's too bad no one came to see your band...

Went to the Velvet Underground the other night for Club 102 and i almost felt sorry for the band playing before the live to air because no one was there. They were giving it but not even the crazy girls on ecstasy who dance to everything danced to their music. The crowd was definitely different, but not in a bad way. You gotta mix it up every now and again, you know.

Post dated blogging while I'm away for the long weekend FTW!

Sunday, May 23

This is what an eclipse looks like from the moon.

In other news, I caved and bought a GoPro HD Hero.

Saturday, May 22

I think I should buy some turntables

This seems like a life skill I should learn to be even more awesome at parties...

Long weekend! I'm outta here.

Friday, May 21

Ski trip video...in the spring! Go Vermont!

Jon's done it! He's finished his video and its EPIC.

Time to finish mine...lol

Thursday, May 20

First round of golf...some work to do this year...

So Jon and I jumped right into our first bit of golf for the year - no driving range, nothing, just straight golf for the first time out...like pros but vastly inferior.

But seriously, we did it - from storage, to trunk, to grass, to tee box. It was only a niner but that's pretty good for after work on a Wednesday. We played at Centennial Park Golf Centre which is pretty ghetto smack in the middle of the city, so it was short compact and cheap...and apparently right on the power grid.

You get a free stroke if you hit the wires...but not if you hit an electrical pylon. I think I've had my share electrical field causing cancer for the day, but at least I didn't lose any balls! We shot a +12 and a +18! First round FTW!

Wednesday, May 19

That's inappropriate...but so appropriate

You know, it's not always guys who talk dirty at work - women are culprits as well.

So get this, I'm waiting in line at the Tim Horton's in my building, and while the ladies who run the thing are better than good remembering everyone's usual or regulars, sometimes they forget.

So the cashier calls out to the lady in front of me, "Large 1 sugar 1 cream?" But it wasn't, it was large 1 sugar 1 milk...but then they somehow got into the conversation about milk and the cashier brings up the fact that she once had fresh milk. The lady is like, "Fresh milk, like freshly squeezed? you serious?" And the casher is like, "Yeah freshly squeezed milk!" Then she honks her boob. Awesome. The best part is when the cashier looks at the woman and is like, "Yeah, right, you know what I'm talking about!"

FYI: for whatever reason I don't like the idea of the usual. Maybe it's because I don't want to accept the fact that I've become just another sheep in the herd corporate, but I never order the same thing. Well let me re-phrase that, it's always an XL but with 1 sugar 1 milk, 1 sugar 2 creams, 3 sugars, 2 creams, black...you get the picture. I'm an asshole I like to keep them on their toes.

On an unrelated work, finally squeezing in a round of golf tonight with the nice weather. Haven't even been to the driving range yet this year, I hope I don't pull my groin or something.

Tuesday, May 18

Mission: Battlestar Frak-lactica complete

So I finally finished Season 4 of Battlestar, and it was EPIC. Here's a few comments form the peanut gallery...

Not sure what happened to Lee's hair though, somehow he went from boyscout to John C Reily in the Vampire's Assistant as soon as he took off his space helmet.

Boomer finally got what was coming to her...that traitorous bitch. But seriously, if there's a spare grace park lounging around go ahead and FedEx her to me.

There was also plenty of revenge to go around. It was kind of dumb how Cavil off'd himself though, I really thought someone take it to him - maybe Ellen or Saul or anyone would have been more climactic.

Still hated Gaius Balter until the very end though...that guy will always be Earth's #1 douche bag in my books.

And that's the story of how Earth became populated. The End.

Sunday, May 16

A bird crapped in my hair...

So while waiting to get onto the boats this morning for dragon boat practice, a bird decided to take a dump in my hair. In some cultures it's considered good luck, in mine it's just considered disgusting. Luckily it wasn't from a gigantic Toronto seagull but just from a small sparrow or something, because white and black hair don't mix.

The only good thing about the situation is that something like this didn't fall on my face...


I also washed and waxed my ride in the glorious sunshine today and the whole process took me almost 3 hours. The damn Sham-Wow left all this orange lint all over the thing and the damn tree or something kept pollenating on it too. The trick to waxing: lots of clean cloth.

It's a pain but the thing looks P.I.M.P.

Saturday, May 15

Danko Jones: Below The Belt


Selma Blair, always. Elijah Wood, wtf.

They're done singing about road trips...finally! Danko is back!

Repeat, repeat, repeat...

Friday, May 14

K-STRASS. Believe it.

This is where being a Yo-Yo professional will get you.

It's Friday! Baptized in Blood tonight...will see how that goes. I'm so going to eat Burriro Boyz.

Wednesday, May 12

Dear Toronto Star: Stop ruining my favorite foods...

Despite Burrito Boyz ridiculous website and the tragic split up, you know you still love them.

As usual, The Toronto Star is busy at work with one of my favorite segments: The Dish. If you haven't read it yet, it pretty much takes every food you love and tells you how delicious bad it is for you. While it hasn't really deterred me from eating like a manimal, it sort of adds some guilt into the mix. Anyway, here is the breakdown for a large steak burrito:

Serving size: 581 grams
Calories: 1,040
Fat: 52 grams
Sodium: 1,452 mg
Carbohydrates: 105 grams
Protein: 39 grams

But what do you expect when the thing easily weighs over a pound? You know what else weighs like a pound? A Big Fat Burrito from Kensington...get your mind out of the gutter.

This continues to be the best post TO bar or dragon boat practice meal ever, since its right on the other side of the Credit River. The sewage water just adds more flavor to that tortilla!

Tuesday, May 11

No DRADIS contacts...ever

So it's kind of hard to be disconnected while at work, but every company has their policies. Mine just happens to be: You do not get to talk to anyone ever except to co-workers through your work email and office communicator.

It's lame, but they have to keep us peons productive somehow.

There are ways around it...https, iloveim, groups, sexting, but it's all just a crappy workaround. My texting skill hasn't improved much so I've turned back to Google Wave and it's not so bad as I initially thought. Don't get me wrong, it still kind of sucks but they sure improved it a lot and its not down nearly as much as it used to be. The problem still remains though - nobody uses it (still). I've sort of forced coerced some people to use it but the fact that it requires some installation makes it unaccessible to some. Well we do what we can.

Just like in real life first impressions are pretty important.

Monday, May 10

They called him Machete...

He knows the score, he gets the women and he kills the bad guys.

You guys remember this from Grindhouse? Well they decided to make a movie out of it....and its awesome.

Considering that The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D Desperado and Planet Terror are some of my favorite movies ever, I think this should be pretty good. Robert Rodriguez sure has an eccentric selection of movies.

Sunday, May 9

Dragon boat season starts now.

So we had our first practice of the season today, and talk about miserable weather. The high is supposed to be 9 but at that hour in the morning all I can say is it was FREEZING - it literally started to snow at one point.

Ashbridge's Bay, Toronto
Now throw in shorts, flip flops and wet shirts - you get the picture. Dipping your hand into Lake Ontario was a little less than pleasant.

Since it was the first practice most of it was showing the new guys the ropes, so it included a lot of sitting around as the coach went over technique row by row. It feels good to get back into it, but I can't wait until the weather warms up. New season, new teammates, new regattas. Paddles up!

Saturday, May 8

It's Saturday night...

Boomshakalaka! This is the type of thing that makes me happy. How sad.

Time to drive a minivan full of friends around town - DD FTL! How's that for responsibility? Now go get your dance on.

Dragon Boat season officially starts tomorrow!

Thursday, May 6

Spool up the FTL, we're getting out of here.

So it looks like I no longer have a need for Facebook. Other than stalking The only reason I still use the thing is for Tetris, and I've literally waxed all my so called Friends in everything to do with it so much that most of them have removed the application and I'm playing with myself (Yes! What up).

Anyway, I don't know why it took me so long but I've moved onto the actual Tetris Friends site and its awesome. Live multilayer makes for some interesting trash talk and there's always people to play against.

Tetris Friends and internet friends FTW! Find me and throw me a challenge if you dare. I'm bigtrouble5.

Wednesday, May 5

That Dilbert guy...

Somehow when I started work I inherited a cube that had all these Dilbert comics on it - I'm not talking interior, I'm talking exterior. I don't have a window facing cube either so these comics are right up against the hallway for the whole floor to see. When random people stop to read the comics I can clearly see them because there's this 3 foot long window in my cube wall and they're pretty much staring at me...imagine the awkwardness awesomeness when they look up and I'm giving them some cut eye.


The worst part is every now and again you get some random guy running down the hall, presumably to take a dump or something, and it causes some of the comics to fly off the wall. Then whoever it is feels the need to have to pin them back on the way and apologize to me because he messed up my comics. Then tells me that I must really like Dilbert or something. Thanks.

They are not mine and I couldn't even tell you any other character's name other than Dilbert. I don't know why I don't just take them off, maybe it's because I'm still the new guy and have no real pull yet, but mark my words they'll be gone when probation is over. Muahhaaha.


Tuesday, May 4

Ummm....is that you Batman?

I am offended yet intrigued at the same time...SFW? Well safe enough for YouTube.

Holy porn parody, Batman! Featuring the top names in the adult entertainment world, and a production that spared no expenses in faithfully recreating the look and feel of the original, Axel Braun's long-anticipated "BATMAN XXX: a Porn Parody" is a hilariously sexy spoof of the 60's Adam West/Burt Ward TV show.

Coming on DVD May 24, 2010.

Hopefully it doesn't turn out to be a Bromance....if you know what I mean...

Monday, May 3

The internet taught me to drive stick: The Hill.

The parking garage at the YMCA is my Nemesis. It's brutal. The on ramp to the cell phone lot at the airport is pretty steep as well. Any sort of uphill slope is not enjoyable for a new manual driver whatsoever. While I do know that I'm a bit harsh on the gas/clutch I know I'll get better with practice...hopefully.

Anyway, here's what my play book looks like:

  • Parking brake - The idea here is to use the parking brake instead of the foot brake. You can rev up and coordinate your movement then when you get the friction point and you feel movement release the parking brake, rev up to 9000 RPM, put on your Ray-Bans and then wink at the POPO as you awesome away.
  • Just do it - Nike the damn thing and get off the brake and onto the gas as fast as possible. You'd better be good at finding that friction point because you'll probably roll back...hopefully not enough to give you nice license plate bolt dimples on your bumper.
  • Party like a rock star - You can be a bad ass 16 year old and feather the clutch and throttle to rock back and forth. Your clutch plate will love you for this.
  • Heel and toe - This one isn't what you thing because I know you're thinking about Best Motoring and Tokyo Drift. In fact it's the exact opposite motion. The idea behind this one is to press the brake with your heel and then simultaneously press the gas with your toe so you don't release the brake and roll back...I think this has the highest probability of you twisting your ankle and then the car spontaneously exploding and killing everyone within a 30 foot radius...yeah.

In any case, here's some good advice I got from a Military Driving instructor:

Starting and stopping on hills, is exactly the same way as on a flat surface. If you are starting on an up-hill, the Friction Point, and maybe a bit of gas will hold you there without the use of brakes (but as I mentioned, that's very hard on the clutch, and there is a danger you may roll backward). If you are starting up hill, and something doesn't feel right, do anything and everything to keep from rolling backward, even an inch - there could be a car or kid behind you. If you have to use the gas and clutch with your feet, use the handbrake if you have one. If not, get very good at finding that Friction Point, it's 90% of what driving standard is about. The Friction Point represents that ideal combination of force to move the car, without having so much that it kills the engine. If you stall the engine on a hill, or it feels like you're about to, get your right foot on the brake, and the left OFF the clutch. Yes, you'll stall, but it's better than pushing in the clutch (which is instinct), and rolling back while applying the brake.

That's about it for manual driving I think. While I haven't won any races yet I think the keys when learning stick are to always leave ample room, don't get off the clutch too fast when finding the friction point and stay calm as cool as a cucumber on an iceberg in Antarctica. Other than that its just practice...and not dying.

Always remember to pop your collar when driving. Popped collars while driving with the windows down channel incoming air around your neck for extra cooling ability. Wearing several collared shirts at once maximizes the rigidity of the collar when channeling faster moving air, but note that wearing too many shirts will vastly increase your core temperature and defeat the purpose of collar popping to begin with.

Sarcasm meter overload.