Totally busted...but not really...

I had a combination coolface and everything went better than expected moment tonight...

So back when I was expanding my business casual wardrobe I hit up Sears when they had a huge sale on the last day of the Olympics. Today, I go to put on one of the shirts I bought and what did I find? One of those damn ink security things. Usually I'm pretty good with keeping my bills but for the life of me I couldn't find this one. For the last two weeks I've worn every single shirt and this one was next in line but my new shirt a day plan got foiled. Totally annoyed, I decided to go to Sears and ask them to remove it instead of trying to MacGyver the thing.

How do you make yourself look guilty when you're completely innocent? Let me tell you.

I walk in carrying the only Sears bag I could find, which was the one I had gotten two weeks ago. It was huge - the kind of bag you would get if you bought a duvet or something cause I really bought a lot of stuff that day. All I had in it was one shirt. Mistake #1.

I walk up to the lady and said, "Hi, I bought this a while back and just found that it still had this security thing on it. She says, "Do you have your bill?" I didn't but I asked her if she could pull it up from the machine if I have my credit card and I take my card out and show it to her. She sort of gives me this I dunno kind of look and reluctantly says, "No...but...well usually we would never do this but I'm gonna trust you." Before she even finished the sentence I had put my card back in my wallet and into my back pocket. Even worse I leaned on the counter with my coolface on. Mistake #2 and #3.

I think she was kind of doubting herself at this point because she asked me which section I bought it in, if anyone helped me, etc. I played it cool and said, "The men's section. Over there." O RLY? Mistake #4.

She then asks me when I bought it and I'm like, "A few weeks ago when you guys had a huge sale...Canada Day!" No it wasn't, Canada Day hasn't even passed yet. I think she miss-heard or something because she was like, "Oh yeah, big sale it's easy to miss a tag when you're going through so much clothes." I'm like, "Yeah, I probably lost the receipt when I was taking the tags off all the clothes..." She didn't even know that I had lost it, just that I didn't have it there. Then out of nowhere she finds the ripped price tag from the shirt. Wtf? Mistake #5 and #6.

She hands the shirt back to me and says, "Here you go, now you can wear it." I say thanks and I'm not even sure why I did it but as she handed the thing to me I stuffed it into the bag and high tailed it out of there like a bat out of hell. Mistake #7.

Lucky #7 because at this point I probably looked as guilty as OJ and for some reason felt it. While I hadn't committed any crime, the lady probably thought that I was just some good looking scrub that took a shirt off a hanger, stuffed it into a bag and Ocean 11'd her. I can only say that the one crime I had committed was looking that good. Win!