Eunuch? That's gross.

You know, Chinese people can make a movie about anything (so long as Andy Lau is in there) and throw Kung Fu in it for good measure. He's not in this one, but when I eventually found out the plot line in Reign of Assassins revolved around some guy body being an eunuch, I think I shit my pants a little. Despite that ridiculous turn of events I'd give it a 6.5/10. It would have been a 7.5 but I had to deduct 1 extra point because mentioning chopping of a guys dick is so not cool.

I probably just spoiled the movie for you, but you'll probably never watch it anyway. Okay, maybe you will because I'm writing about it but...Michelle Yeoh looks great though for her age. Yeah, go with that.

Like any hero or villain, each character has to have their own unique skill - like how mine is to annihilate any conversation mid-sentence and make a situation super awkward - which makes them lady kryptonite a badass.

Anyway, let me introduce you to the Dark Stone Clan who are the bad guys in it...

The Wheel King: sketchy voiced leader of the gang who just happens to train the other members with cruel intentions.


Lei Bin: dude with the mustache I hope to have that fires needles out of every oraface of his body.


Drizzle: hottie with the water shedding sword technique aka fighting with flimsy piece of aluminum.


The Magician: dual sword wielding, technicolor dream coat wearing gangster.


Turquoise: The newest member/femme fatale who can give you the cut eye like nobody's business.


Now go and watch it...or don't.