Please stop gyrating in front of me...dude.

So I'm at the Y yesterday and while I'm a pretty firm believer that you should be able to do whatever you want there things just got a little too strange. I mean when it comes down to it you should be able to do whatever exercises you want so long as you're not messing up equipment or injuring children or generally interfering with other members right?

Well I'm trying to do my usual thing and I'm also feeling pretty good so I decide to do back-to-back aerobics classes. So I'm between them I decide to walk some laps to dry off my soaked shirt cool down a bit, but when I get back the gym is already pretty full for the next session and I end up getting a spot near the back. If you didn't already know, there's not that many other guys who do these classes. At best it's me, one or two other dudes (that we give each other the occasional nod) and then like 40 other women - more or less recognizable regulars. So I notice this one guy who I've never seen at the Y before and I somehow end up standing more or less behind him.

The first thing that kind of hit me was that he wasn't even wearing running shoes and his pants were pretty tight. Or maybe they were just extremely stylish runners or something but they probably didn't support his arches very well. Fine, whatever. But then I'm looking at this guys shirt and from the back it is extremely fitted. I'm not saying that he was wearing a woman's yoga training bra or anything, but maybe his definition of unisex is probably different from society's most people. I've never seen a men's shirt that low cut in the back before with like crossing straps to reveal your shoulder blades, but it more or less looked like this. Ok sure, maybe that's some sort of new sports clothes trend or something.

At that point my gaydar was on full alert but when the actual exercises started it was like the dam collapsed and killed all the villagers in the town below - all men, women and children. Even some of the ladies were startled by his movements. Trust me, I have nothing against gay people (so long as they're not trying to grind up on me or something), but of all the gay people that I know and hang out with, nothing had prepared me for the likes of this guy. I've even hung out with gay dudes in San Francisco, and even when were're drunk it might have been weird but that weird or that uncomfortable...until now.

So if you're unfamiliar with boxfit it's basically tae bo - jumping, punches, kicks, stuff like that. So for most people when you're punching the air you wouldn't want to ever stand in front of them because it would probably hurt, and I'm talking girls too. I mean even though you're not hitting a heavy bag you're still putting your weight into it and trying to pull clean shots. So I can't help but to see this guy and when he's throwing punches it basically looked like he was flailing his arms to reach out and touch you - it was not so much of a punch as it was someone trying to apply moisturizer to someone else's face. On top of not being able to hurt anyone, I don't even think he was making a fist either. Awkward.

It got even worse from there. So we were doing repeating push kicks (aka this is Sparta) and I don't know if this dude completely wasn't able to grasp the concept of it, failed to even look at what everyone else in the gym was doing or just didn't care, but it was like he was throwing some ballet plie mixed with a crane kick or something. Ok, it's impressive that you can kick above your head but that's not even what that move is. And you really don't need to hold your hands out like wings and jump every time you do it either because it's not actually a dance.

It was hard because throughout that session I couldn't really not see him, because he's doing these weirdo moves in front of me. I was actually slowly shifting away because I didn't want to get a fairy boot to the side of the head. I don't mean to stereotype, but I thought gay dudes were supposed to be smooth and have some sort of rhythm, but it's like he wasn't even trying since he was completely out of sync with the music (and everyone else). And even the women were backing away because they were almost running into his flails when sidestepping and stuff.

Normally, the best most interesting part of these workouts is when we do these things called pulses - it's like a pose you hold, such as a squat or lunge, where you pulse slightly up and down (feel that burn). To be honest it's one of the hottest toughest exercises and you do it a bunch of times too. Ok fine, they're pretty much sex moves and chicks be checking me out too. This guy however did not do pulses. He bent over, grabbed his ankles and gyrated. And looked back at me. Several times.

Other than the fact that the motion was completely different I don't understand why he had to look at me. And I mean, it's not even natural or comfortable to bend your neck backwards like that. Ok, there's not many guys in the class but seriously? Let's just say that when it was time to grab a mat for floor exercises I ended up in a different spot...

What a workout?