Keep chili peppers away from your balls.

Well I guess the title says it all.

I woke up Saturday morning and everyone was out of the house, so I lounged around in my underwear and decided to cook up some breakfast. I remember it well: there I was slicing up some cherry tomatoes, an onion and 2 Thai chilis for a very delicious omelette. Then, I get to frying.

Since there isn’t anyone to criticize me, I go ahead and give my balls a scratch while sauteing that veg. Nobody else is going to see me or eat my food, so why not satisfy that itch? I go to town - no holding back.

Noob move. I blame it on the combination of waking up too early after a late night and the fact that there’s no running water in the kitchen (not even a sink, due to renovations)…anyway…

Well turns out those peppers burn like fire when rubbed into the general crotch area. I can only imagine what it would feel like in your eyeball.

So I quickly toss that omelette in a bun, squirt some ketchup on it and consume that delicious western like a boss (while that pain gets worse). Then after that I run to the shower to splash some water on this thing.

It also turns out that soapy hot water intensifies the burning and soothing Dove lotion barely puts a dent in that sting. So what do I do?

Remember how I watched Cowboys & Aliens the other day? Well there was a scene where James Bond is injured and needs to get stitched up by a priest, so to numb the pain he drinks whiskey.

Boom! Shots at 8AM Saturday morning FTW.