Hi there, welcome to my blog.

What's this all about? Well, that's a question I'm probably not even qualified to answer. I guess it started off because I had nothing better to do, but turns out that I kind of like it. So when I'm not working for The Man I like to take pictures, make videos and write about whatever else might seem like a good idea at the time.

From dragon boating to mountain biking, to road trips and travels overseas - this is me trying to enjoy life. Clock out at 5, eat, drink and don't forget to smile a lot.

The Time Machine

Disclaimer

This is a personal blog, all opinions expressed are meant to be in good fun - if you are offended by heavy sarcasm and jokes that are in poor taste then this is not for you. If you have any copyright related issues please contact us via messenger pigeon.

 

Friday, December 18

Top 5 blacklisted foods (that I've tried)

It's not every day that you eat something so vile that it makes you gag and causes your body to malfunction when you try to ingest it, but it happened to me recently. It was so NOT-enjoyable that I created a blacklist just so I could put it as number 1.

Believe me when I say that there are few things that I wouldn't eat, or try to eat (provided that I have the necessary shots) so this list was ridiculously hard to make. If I can help it, I will avoid eating these foods at all costs.


1. Halva

Maybe this was a one off, but there's a reason why this dish is traditionally served at funerals: there is nothing good about it. Say that maybe it was THE one off, I don't know, but I had to spit it out camel stylez because I think I died a little trying to chew it. And believe me I tried.




2. Tequila

The word alone makes me shiver. There is only 1 alcoholic drink that I won't order and this is it. Sometimes, like on your birthday, you can't avoid drinking something like this (because noting says friend like rejecting something they just bought you in celebration) so you have to...but at least it gives everyone a kick when they see you struggle...for life.


3. Ambrosia Salad

Why? The only reason marshmallows were invented was to be roasted at campfires, to be put in warm drinks and Peeps. There is nothing delicious about taking a hand full of marshmallows, dumping in a can of mixed fruits and then putting sour or whipped cream in there for good measure. Nothing.



4. Raw Ramen

Maybe its a white people thing, but other than this Korean drama actor I randomly found when googling for pictures of it, they're the only people I've seen enjoy doing this.

I'm pretty sure the 5 year old factory worker never expected for someone to crush up a sack of ramen of their hard work, pour in the flavor pack(s), shake it around and then eat it sans hot water...and neither did I.


5. Poutine

Just because I'm Canadian doesn't mean I like to eat 5 pounds of super salty thick cut fries covered in dirty cheese and instant gravy. I'm all for heart attacks from delicious food but not this way...not this way.


6. Urine

Dear Lyoto Machina, Bear Grylls and R Kelly,

Please stop unnecessarily drinking/playing with your own urine. Have a Fanta on me.

Sincerely,
I hate you all

Seriously. Not even Survivorman Les Stroud drinks his own urine and that guys is hardcore. Correct me if I'm wrong, but hes practically struggling for life most of the time and I've never seen him take in a cup of his own pee pee. People will argue all sorts of things about it, but come on. I barely even want to hold the hot cup when I do my yearly physical...I know the receptionist doesn't want to either when I hand it to her.

OK, just to make things clear, I've never drank my own urine before which is why the list only goes up to top 5, but I threw this one in there as a bonus. Lucky you.

3 comments:

Abdullah Salim said...

I've had 1, 4, 5. Halva is actually pretty big in my culture (being from that part of the world and all), but I don't really like it. It's too damn sweet. And yes, it is mostly handed out around deaths or anniversaries relating to death.

Make Me Emperor said...

Yeah, that's what the person who made it said (about the funerals). I think it was their first time and they tried to mix it up since it wasn't really that sweet, and tasted more like flour, mixed with rose water, mixed with feet. It was probably the one off, lol.

jgamble said...

I disagree on 4 & 5.

Raw Ramen is part of my regular diet while working overseas, because it's just better than anything else that is available.

Poutine is delicious.

Bear Grylls is still an idiot though. I hate that guy.