The vampire problem.

The bloodsuckers are not all that glitter.

Vampire are huge right now, and no matter how much you kick and scream until your mom repeatedly tells you to stop is going to change that.

Now, I am going to be up front and admit that I like classical vampires, always have, always will. What I do not like is these new glittery, angsty teen vampires. The vampire is supposed to haunt the night and your dreams, not be the object of affection for social outcasts or the only ones that enjoys the weather is the pacific northwest.

The blame for all of this is undoubtedly Stephanie Meyer, the untalented hack who decided that the vampires were a bit to "bitey" for her tastes. The fact that Meyer defanged vampires doesn't offend me so much. What really offends me is the message that women are the weaker sex.

I was raised primarily by my mom, my dad worked a lot to support us, and for someone to send the message the women are in some way incapable of making their own decisions or able to handle their own life is infuriating. Also, the fact that this garbage is coming from a woman makes it even worse. What is she teaching the generation of girls growing up reading her Twilight series? Is she trying to make a generation of insecure and dependant women? Because if she is, she is doing a bang up job.

Woman are just as capable as men, and in some cases more so. What man reading this right now thinks they can endure the same kind of pain as a woman? Child birth? Have you seen that in action? Just thinking of it makes me want to be celibate and I don't even have to give birth to the kid! The physical pain is one thing, but what about the mental strain of carrying a life for 9 months? I have a hard time keeping sea monkeys alive. Brazilian wax? I am not letting hot wax anywhere near my equipment. Yet women pay someone to do it! You couldn't pay me to let someone do that to me, or at least no one short of Bill Gates could afford how much I would be demanding. There are many more examples but I think you get the point.

I have a plan to turn all of this around. If you see a teenage girl reading twilight I want you to slap it out of her hands and then slap her in the face. I don't want you to hold back on the slap either, I want you to go balls out. The plan here is to slap on sense into them. If you find a girl that slaps you back I want you to shake her hand because she is already more of woman that Stephanie Meyer will ever be.