Never impressed.

Man, it has been a while since I posted something. I might have been worried you would get bored and leave but I knew you were in good hands with Make Me Emperor.

You may be wondering “where has Mayhem been?” and I am here to put your mind at ease, I have not abandoned you in a alleyway like your real parents did, but I have been extremely busy in the world that isn’t a series of tubes. What is more interesting than porn the internet you ask? Not a whole lot, I missed seeing people get hit in the crotch in new and interesting ways, but what is interesting is not always what’s necessary. What was necessary was me finding a place to live that isn’t my parent’s house. Now, let me just say this; I have not, nor will I ever, live in my parent’s basement. Got it? Good. I am not that creepy blogger that stays in his underwear 24/7 looking for new Britney Spears up skirt shots. I am the blogger that wears pants and spends 23 hours a day looking for Britney’s new up skirt shots and the other hour showering my shame away. Who knew underwear shopping wasn’t on the “to do” lists of most celebs?

Anyway, after MUCH searching, anger and crying we found a house we are proud to live in and call home. The house is a beautiful four bedroom detached with a huge double car garage. It is located close to all major highways, malls and shopping centers. I should feel kind of bad because we are practically robbing the owner blind with the amount of rent we are paying. I should feel even worse because the house is BRAND NEW and is owned by the sweetest old lady you will ever meet. Now I have been saying “should” because I really don’t feel bad. The only one that should feel bad is her son; she bought the house FOR HIM and he doesn’t want to live in it! The poor old lady had to go to through all the trouble of finding people to rent it. Thank you weird son! And you should be ashamed of yourself for putting such stress on you dear mother. But thanks again!

So there you go, you know why I was gone and neglecting you just like your parents. Can we move on now and hear about why you have been so distant and moody lately? Are you reading another blog? Please say no. I can’t stand to hear it. Do you laugh at their entries the way you used to laugh at mine? Do you? You disgust me! But I need you. God, I wish I knew how to quit you!