Hi there, welcome to my blog.

What's this all about? Well, that's a question I'm probably not even qualified to answer. I guess it started off because I had nothing better to do, but turns out that I kind of like it. So when I'm not working for The Man I like to take pictures, make videos and write about whatever else might seem like a good idea at the time.

From dragon boating to mountain biking, to road trips and travels overseas - this is me trying to enjoy life. Clock out at 5, eat, drink and don't forget to smile a lot.

The Time Machine


This is a personal blog, all opinions expressed are meant to be in good fun - if you are offended by heavy sarcasm and jokes that are in poor taste then this is not for you. If you have any copyright related issues please contact us via messenger pigeon.


Thursday, January 7

People are Idiots, Volume I: Parking

I suppose this entry should start with an introduction, as it's been titled as a series...the intention for this scrawl is to point out in (hopefully) humourous fashion some of the common blunders and mistakes made by members of the population of this wonderful planet that we call home. I'm not immune to making some of them myself, and may publish a work detailing my own ineptitude at some point (highly unlikely as that may be). It's a gross generality to assume that all people are idiots, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that the actions of one can affect the perceptions of many, hence the blanket title for this series of (barely coherent) rants. Enough with the prelude, on to the idiocy...

You've all seen it. A parking lot full of cars lined up as though arranged by a 4-year-old with their eyes closed, after guzzling down a 950mL Minotaur Energy Drink. Sometimes the situation is exacerbated by the holiday season, or by a major event, but regardless of goings-on or the time of year, people still fail to put the wheels inside the yellow lines.

Case in point: I (attempt to) leave work today to head home for lunch, only to find that some moron has parked his minivan not 8 inches from my driver's side door:

There was a moment of quiet hesitation when I first observed this heinous encroachment of my car's personal space, and then the rage began to boil. If this wasn't in such a public place, some very bad things may have happened to this minivan. Just saying.

Rage was replaced by bewilderment and confusion as to how oblivious one must be to the space in which their vehicle operates...embarrassing as it may be, I frequently take second (or third) passes at getting a half-decent parking job, if only to ensure that I can actually get out of my car without smashing my door against the adjacent car.

So, after clambering into the driver's seat through the passenger's door, I quelled my desire to give this driver the written equivalent of the frowning of a lifetime and drove off. Suggestions as to how to punish these sort of shenanigans are welcome, legality optional.

I don't think that it would be a bad idea to put people through a more rigorous driver's instruction program. If the cities are worried about traffic, increase the frequency of testing and get some of these jokers off the road. Don't even get me started about the sort of shit I see while I'm actually driving...

I'll close with one of the most spectacular parking failures I've ever seen: